Am I getting lost in the madness?

Sometimes I feel that I am getting lost in my personal madness. The new meds are working well, but I get times that I still feel hopeless. I know my God loves me and takes care of me, I just don't let him sometimes.
I get scared and anxiety sets in. My hopes and fears get all jumbled up and I don't know how to get out of the funk. I want it to all be better. I want to feel normal, whatever that is.
I sometimes think that I should have stayed in Minnesota. I was happy there and making a good living. That is something I don't seem to be able to do here in the Quads. I try and try, but it seems that nothing good comes along and when my court date is over I will have less of a chance at getting or even keeping a job that I may already have. How do I go on like this when all seems to be piling up against me?
I need to pray more, exercise more, read more and spend much more time with God than I do now. It is hard for me to read anymore because of the drugs and I so loved to read. It seems that life is passing me by and I am on a ride where I can only watch. Now what?