Monday, August 15, 2005

I can't sleep.

I walked for the Relay for Life last night. I was a part of Team Bettendorf and got to walk with the guys and gals from the Bettendorf PD. Chief Phil and his wife were there and made several rounds around the track. Our banner went the entire 12-13 hours I imagine. It really was an awesome night. I am glad I participated.
A hard night too. I bought a luminary for Daddy and lit it when the time came. The ceremony was beautiful. As they said, "Henry Carlson, Jr." I lit his candle and as I did a plane flew over. This is important because both Mom and I always look up and say, "Hi" to him when a plane flies over. Later, as I sat on the track listening to all of the names of loved ones lost to Cancer, I cried. I miss Daddy so much and I am not sure I ever grieved him as I should. There was a nice cool breeze and it felt good on my hot skin as I sat there watching the luminaries being lit one by one. I couldn't stop crying. It was all so beautiful.
I continued to cry a bit when I got home and didn't sleep much. I dozed once in a while and never called Mom to tell her I was not feeling up to a movie. I am sure I hurt her feelings. I have to get some rest so we can go to that movie tomorrow. I hate letting her down.
I guess I should try to sleep again. It really is tomorrow already and knowing that probably won't help me sleep, but try I must.
Good night, my friends. Sleep tight and dream sweet dreams of summer green, the smell of newly cut grass and lilacs, of love and of good friends.
God bless.

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